


There's Nothing to Fear

by hypatia



Series: The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Hackers in Love [14]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Leverage
Genre: Caretaking, Drug Mention (Morphine), Drug Mention (Sedative), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, HaQ, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mobility Aids, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide Watch, Survival, Therapeutic Hacking, Veteran!Q, loss of limb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27674746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypatia/pseuds/hypatia
Summary: Q in the hospital after Kandahar and before he's recruited by MI6.-“We both know the game was always about taking care of each other,” said Alec. “I want you to expand the definition for a while. Let the folks here do their jobs and care for you like you need and I can’t. And if you want, I’ll be here every day to make this as normal as possible. There’s no way this is easy. I know that. But if you aren’t fighting it, maybe you’ll have an easier time getting through it. What do you say?”“Yes,” said Will. “Of course, I want you here. Please. I know I can’t do this without you.”
Relationships: Alec Hardison/Q (James Bond)
Series: The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Hackers in Love [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568371
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to grlcookery for assisting with Afrikaans translations.
> 
> FYI - If any of the tags are worrying, nothing is particularly detailed, but this is backstory so can be skipped without missing anything in the ongoing "Contingency Plans" plot-line.

**Early August 2005, London**

A woman approached Hardison where he sat in the hospital waiting area poking at his laptop but, truth be told, not accomplishing much. “He’s arrived love, but we’ll need a tick to get him settled.” She pressed her lips together, “You should know, he was sedated for the flight. So it will be at least an hour, maybe two, before he’s awake.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” said Hardison. Then he sighed and confessed, “I’m worried about him.”

“That’s perfectly understandable,” she said. “He’s in good hands. I’ll let you know as soon as you can see him.”

“Thank you,” said Hardison, attempting to smile. He made an effort to focus on her; her nametag read “Molly”.

Half an hour later, Molly returned and led him to a room. “Here we are,” she said. “I know he looks a bit rough just now, but he’s doing fine.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” said Hardison. Will was covered in blankets so most of the injuries Alec knew he had were hidden. But he had a fading bruise across one cheekbone and another disappeared into his hairline near the temple. There was an IV, and a monitor for basic vital signs, but none of the equipment Hardison associated with severe illness or life-threatening injury. He had known they’d had to amputate Will’s leg, but it was still a shock to see the space under the blankets where it should have been. He touched Will’s shoulder gently and looked back at his guide. “Can you tell me why he’s sedated?” he asked.

“Sorry love, I don’t know,” she said. “You can ask the nurse when she comes by. They’ll be checking on him regularly until he’s awake, then the doctor will talk to him.” She looked at him kindly. “You should make sure you get yourself something to eat, the café just started serving lunch,” she said. Hardison knew he must look reluctant because she insisted, “Go get yourself a meal _now_ so you don’t have to miss a moment once he’s awake.”

He couldn’t argue with her logic. “Yes ma’am,” he said. “Can you give me directions?” He was back fifteen minutes later with sandwiches and enough snacks to hold him for several hours if needed.

He pulled a chair as close to Will’s bed as he could. “Hey,” he said quietly, “It’s me. I don’t know if you’ll hear me right now, but I’m here.”

He’d just finished eating when a nurse came in to check on Will. “Can you tell me why Will was sedated ma’am?” he asked as she made notes on a clipboard.

She looked at Hardison with some suspicion. “And you are?” she asked.

“Alec Hardison ma’am. Next-of-kin.”

She stared at him doubtfully.

“Partner,” he clarified.

She made a show of checking for his name in Will’s chart before answering. “Something upset him at the beginning of the flight. The medic felt it would be best to sedate him.”

“I see, thank you.”

She nodded and made some notes in Will’s chart. “He may come round before I check in again. If he does, hit the call button. The doctor will want to evaluate him once he’s awake.”

“I will. Thank you, ma’am,” he said.

Shortly after noon, Will woke. He looked over at Hardison and said softly, “Bloody hell Alec, you look like shit.”

Alec chuckled, “We really need to get you new material. That joke is probably older than either of us.”

“I’ve been stuck in a desert for a while.” Will shrugged, then winced. He scowled at his left shoulder.

“If I actually look bad,” said Alec, “it’s just because you don’t have your glasses on. Here,” he picked up the glasses and placed them gently on Will’s face. “Better?”

Will shook his head with a hint of mischievous smile.

“Well, I’m entitled. It’s 7 a.m. back home.” Alec grinned, “You look fantastic.”

Will blinked. “I _what_?” he asked.

“No really,” said Alec. “You look _alive_ and that’s pretty fantastic.”

Will avoided Alec’s eyes. “I might currently have complicated feelings about that,” he said.

Alec nodded. “So they told me. Will it hurt if I kiss you?”

“It might,” said Will. “Do it anyway.”

Alec smiled and leaned over Will, kissing him gently.

“You’re not going to break me,” said Will impatiently. Alec looked doubtful and Will rolled his eyes. “Not worse anyway. _Please_ kiss me like you mean it.”

“Missed you,” said Alec, when they paused for breath.

Will nodded. “I love you and I’ve missed you and it is so good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” whispered Alec. “Love you too. I _smaak you stukkend*._ ”

“Even if I’m _in_ pieces?” asked Will.

Alec nodded, _“_ And I’m going to kiss you again.”

“ _As jy moet*,_ ” said Will.

*Afrikaans  
Love you to pieces.  
If you must.

“How are you doing? Scale of one to five?” asked Alec.

“Not a fair question if you can’t actually get me out of here when I say five,” said Will.

Alec shrugged sympathetically, “Five started out as ‘barely holding it together’ before we adapted the scale to ‘what do you need’.”

“I’m in too much pain and on too many meds to give a meaningful answer,” said Will. “Not good though. Three edging to four is the best I’ve managed the last few days. And I think they must have dropped the dose on my pain meds when they knocked me out because I’m starting to hurt. A lot.”

Alec nodded. He could see Will was in pain and, despite having just awakened, already tiring again. “I’m supposed to hit the call button when you wake up. Are you ready for an influx of medical staff?”

“No. But we might as well get it over with. Fair warning. I’m going to call you my partner so they aren’t weird about you staying.”

“I used it earlier myself. But you have to say, ‘in crime’. You need to add the ‘in crime’ part,” said Alec.

“I’m sufficiently medicated I might just do that on accident. Hopefully they’ll just think it’s funny,” said Will. “How long have you been here?”

“I got to the hospital at 10 a.m., you arrived around 10:30. I’ve been in London since eight last night.”

“Good afternoon, lieutenant. I’m Dr. Pierce.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you doctor, please just call me Will.”

“I’ll do that Will, thank you. Could you introduce your guest?” she asked.

“This is my partner, Alec Hardison,” said Will. Alec and Dr. Pierce nodded at each other. “I’ll guess your next question is whether I want him here while we talk, and I do.”

Dr. Pierce smiled, “Well spotted. Thank you.”

Alec kept quiet and watched Will speak candidly to his doctor about his injuries and pain. She asked the nurse to set his morphine so that Will could self-administer. Once his nurse showed him how to use it, his relief was visible. When he mentioned the hearing in his left ear hadn’t yet returned to what he considered normal despite the reassurances of the doctors who’d treated him in Afghanistan, she made a note to have him seen by an audiologist.

But when she began asking about Will’s emotional state, he became sullen and uncooperative. Alec watched with growing concern as Will responded to most of her questions with deflections and the occasional outright lie. When all else failed, he claimed not to remember. Alec could see the doctor wasn’t buying any of it and when he glanced over at the nurse, she checked that Will wasn’t looking at her and rolled her eyes. Her expression made it obvious that she’d seen all of this before.

“Bokkie,” said Alec, when there was a pause, "Jy gedra jou soos 'n chop."

Will gave him a sour look, “Niemand het jou gevra nie,” he said shortly.

The doctor looked from Will to Alec and back, then raised her eyebrows expectantly.

“He said it looked like I was getting tired,” Will lied, looking at Alec.

“Ek sal _hierdie_ keer saamgaan,” said Alec.

“Dankie,” said Will sweetly.

 _*Afrikaans  
_Sweetie, you’re being obnoxious.  
Nobody asked you.  
I will go along _this_ time.  
Thanks.

Dr. Pierce gave Will a frankly dubious look but nodded. “I’m sure you _are_ fatigued. That’s likely to continue for some time. One of the physiotherapy staff will be in later this afternoon to evaluate you and begin a rehabilitation plan.”

“Thank you, Dr. Pierce,” said Will politely.

“As you know, the incident that led to your injury is classified. There is only one psychologist on staff with the necessary clearances. You should assume that any other patients or staff are not cleared to discuss it.”

“Including yourself?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Will nodded. “I understand.”

“Good,” said the doctor. “The average stay for injuries such as yours is five or six weeks. You’ll move to the rehab wing in a few days once your wounds have sufficiently healed. Assuming everything goes smoothly, I or one of my colleagues will see you once a day for the next several days and then periodically thereafter. Get some rest lieutenant.”

“I will, thank you.”

When they’d left, Alec sat on the edge of the bed, as close to Will as he could get without jostling him or disrupting IVs or monitors and smiled. “Word to the wise?”

“Yes?”

“Never again try to con someone when you have that much morphine in your system.”

“That bad?” asked Will, cringing a bit.

Alec shook his head. “Man. It was pitiful.” He kissed Will’s forehead. “Worse than our first attempt at the diamond mines. And can we talk about what you hoped to gain from conning your doctor? Because I honestly don’t understand your play here.”

Will tilted his head back into the pillows and sighed. “I’m not sure I know. It was just instinctive. Defense mechanism? Habit?” he shook his head.

“You’re a damn good con-artist Will. But don’t do that. This is not a con you can profit from.” He paused and looked Will in the eye. “How are you really doing? None of this talking to the doctor bullshit.”

“Not sure I want to have this conversation in English. But your Russian is limited and I don’t have the words in Afrikaans,” said Will. He stared at the ceiling for a long moment, then looked back at Alec. “Everything hurts and… a few days ago I kind of wanted to die.”

“And now?” asked Alec.

Will shrugged and shook his head. “It’s like I said earlier. Complicated. I’ve never felt this way before. Intellectually I know it’s probably the—trauma,” he said the word ‘trauma’ reluctantly as if trying it on for size and expecting it to pinch. “But it feels real and that’s a little frightening. More than a little actually.”

“I’ll be honest,” said Alec. “That scares me too. A lot. But frightened seems like a—reasonable—response to that feeling?”

“Possibly,” said Will. “But this isn’t something that reason is going to fix.”

Alec nodded. “Squishy feelings stuff,” he agreed. “Frustrating?”

“Very. And I don’t know what to do.”

“It appears,” said Alec carefully, “That they have a professional here who you can talk to that has expertise in the squishy feelings stuff.”

“So I’ve been told,” said Will with a faint smile.

“My visa is for six months and is renewable. I’m here as long as you need,” said Alec.

“This is going to be harder than selling diamond mine shares Alec,” said Will.

“I know. I’ve got you,” said Alec. “Whatever you need Will.”

“I know,” said Will. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

Alec leered. “We can discuss that when you’re feeling better.” Will rolled his eyes and managed a laugh.

There was a knock at the door and a man with a lunch tray greeted them both, set the tray on the overbed table, and left.

“Do you need to eat?” asked Will as he started eating. “I suspect there’s someplace you can get food here.”

“Already taken care of,” Alec held up a bag of snacks. “I grabbed some things while you were still asleep.”

“Unconscious. I was still losing it when they drugged me,” said Will. “It was nothing like falling asleep.”

“Can you tell me what that was about?”

“I assume that I had a panic attack. But it was new to my experience, so I’m not sure. It felt like I couldn’t breathe and I was certain I was dying and there was a flashback to—the thing I can’t talk about.”

“Do you know what triggered that?”

Will nodded, “The sound of the jet engines spinning up, the vibrations through the fuselage of the transport.” Unbidden, the memory of the Kandahar flight came rushing back—nearly stealing his breath again.

Alec grabbed Will’s hand and Will realized he’d been shaking. “Hey,” said Alec. “You’re safe.”

Will clutched Alec’s hand. “Doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“Take a few slow breaths,” said Alec. “Look at me. You’re here in London. You’re safe. I've got you.”

Will got his breathing under control and shook his head, trying to clear it. “Topic to avoid for the moment,” he said, feeling wretched. Alec nodded. “And I’m starting to hurt again.”

Alec raised an eyebrow and pointed to the button that controlled Will’s pain meds.

“Right,” said Will, “Forgot. Feeling rather scattered…” he reached for the control. He pressed the button and waited, then reached over to press it again.

“Wait one second. Need to make sure you’re rewarded properly for remembering to use that,” said Alec. He leaned over Will until their lips were nearly touching. “OK. Now press the button again,” he said and kissed Will.

Will let out a long breath when Alec drew back. “If everything didn’t hurt and if the rest of the circumstances weren’t so rotten, that might be dangerously fun.”

“Get you addicted to my kisses,” quipped Alec.

“Oh? We’re pretending that you didn’t already do that years ago?” said Will fondly.

Alec’s smile turned smug. “You’re very good for the ego you know.”

“And you’re just good for me,” said Will.

“I try,” said Alec. “You should finish your lunch.” He picked up a piece of paper from the tray. “Looks like you’ve got choices for your next meals. Very exciting. Want me to help you fill it out?”

Will rolled his eyes and continued eating.

The afternoon progressed with the removal of the lunch tray and a new nurse who checked Will and changed his dressings.

“Have you charmed _all_ of my nurses?” Will asked when the nurse left after giving Alec a sunny smile. “I saw you making faces at the one who came in with Dr. Pierce.”

“Just this shift,” grinned Alec. “Work in process. They all think I’m a ‘charming young man’.”

“All of those words are technically true, and yet they add up to a whole I wouldn’t attribute to you,” Will teased.

“There was one who really wasn’t sure about me while you were still out.”

“But?”

“But my name is on your chart somewhere and I can be very polite,” said Alec, a bit smug.

“I might slightly remember that,” said Will uncertainly. “I knew you were here before I was properly awake at least.”

Alec grinned, “Next I’ll work on the doctors and physical therapists.”

“Fuck,” said Will. “I have so much physiotherapy already; you have no idea. It will likely only get more involved once I get seen today.”

Alec nodded. “And as long as you do what they say, I’ll visit every day,” he paused and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, “And distract you as best I can.”

“And if I don’t?” asked Will.

“I’ll still visit, but I may not be as—attentive?” Alec smiled innocently. “We can play dominoes or something.”

“That’s bribery,” said Will. “Pretty sure that’s illegal here, however you do it in the states.”

“Man, I’m not from _Chicago_ ,” said Alec. “And it’s pronounced _incentive._ ”

Will raised an eyebrow, then smiled wearily. “That just might work,” he said.

Alec cocked his head. “And since when are _you_ concerned about legality?”

“I have standards to uphold as a member of her majesty’s armed forces,” said Will in a prim voice, blinking innocently.

“Now there’s a line I never expected to hear from you,” said Alec. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a necklace, and held it in his palm.

Will looked up at Alec and back to the necklace but said nothing.

“We both know the game was always about taking care of each other,” said Alec. “I want you to expand the definition for a while. Let the folks here do their jobs and care for you like you need and I can’t. And if you want, I’ll be here every day to make this as normal as possible. There’s no way this is easy. I know that. But if you aren’t fighting it, maybe you’ll have an easier time getting through it. What do you say?”

“Yes,” said Will. “Of course, I want you here. Please. I know I can’t do this without you.” He shifted so that Alec could clasp the necklace. Alec kissed him, then drew back as Will yawned.

“You should sleep again,” said Alec.

“Not sure that’s such a good idea,” said Will, even as he settled back and closed his eyes briefly.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to be awake tonight if you aren’t here,” he said. “I spent a night in a desert, alone, in pain, surrounded by corpses, wondering if I was going to die too. Nights are—difficult—just now.”

“I’ll stay the night if they let me,” said Alec. “And if they don’t and I can’t sneak back in, you can always ask for something to help you sleep.”

“Right,” Will blinked. “Drugs exist.”

Alec chuckled at him. “Man. How could you forget when you’re on so _many_?”

“That may be precisely why,” said Will self-consciously.

“And you’re _tired_ and you should _rest._ ” Alec kissed him; he could see Will getting sleepier, wanting to be convinced. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Yeah,” said Will and closed his eyes.

Will woke again a couple hours later. Alec was typing quietly on his laptop.

“Did you bring enough for the class?” asked Will.

Alec grinned and reached into his laptop case, pulling out another slim computer. “I did,” he grinned. “How do you say it on this side of the pond? Happy Christmas?”

“That’s it. Yes.”

“To balance it out, you ought to say merry birthday.”

“But that would be ridiculous.”

Alec grinned. “And?”

Will watched Alec adjust the tray table so he could reach the laptop without disrupting his IV. “Your security needs to be tight Alec. It’s likely I’ll be monitored here.”

Alec cocked his head. “Oh? Something to do with the things you can’t talk about?”

“Something like that.”

“Nation-state level security?”

“Something like that,” Will said again, with a sly smile. “I have reason to expect a job offer.”

“Got it. I can be careful,” he gave Will a smug smile in return. “I’m pretty good at this.”

“I know,” said Will, his smile turned feral. “I’m almost as good at it as you are. And I’m damned good.”

“You are.” Alec leaned over and kissed him. “ _Damned_ good. Want to destroy western civilization together?”

Will grinned. “And then what would we do tomorrow?”

Alec shrugged. “We’d think of something.” He leaned in for another kiss.

“We should probably wait on that until I have something resembling two working legs again,” said Will.

“If we must. I’ll have to think of something else to occupy you.”

Will rolled his eyes. “Particularly when just kissing you leaves me out of breath.”

Alec smirked. “That isn’t _actually_ new.”

“Shut up,” said Will. “I suppose at least I’m learning new things?”

Alec raised his eyebrows.

“New terms like ‘residual limb’ and acronyms like LLA and BKA.”

“Lower limb and below the knee amputation,” recited Alec. “I picked those up too.”

“So you’ve already done the reading.”

“Yeah.” Alec nodded. “I stopped by the VA hospital nearest me, told them a friend had lost a leg in Afghanistan, and asked what I should know to be supportive. They gave me a bunch of pamphlets. I also learned the things bones and nerves might do1,” he made a face.

Will grimaced. “Don’t want to think about potential long-term problems. I have sufficient short-term concerns, thank you.”

“Sorry.”

“Phantom limb pain really is a thing. It’s very strange.”

“The human nervous system, man,” said Alec shaking his head. “I don’t know.”

“Have you hacked the hospital to see my records yet?”

“I _won’t_ look at your records unless you specifically tell me to,” said Alec. “And, so you know, they’re still on a hybrid system, some things digitized, others not.”

“So you did hack the hospital.”

“First thing, had to see how secure they are.”

Will chuckled. “Of course.”

“And, just to say this up front,” said Alec. “I also have no intention of altering your records. Even if you ask me to. So don’t.”

“What if—I did?” asked Will.

Alec tilted his head, expression serious. “If you’re asking for the consequences if you alter your medical records, does that mean you’re deciding if it’s a price you’re willing to pay?”

Will realized Alec was angry. “Alec…”

“No. If you’re deciding if it’s worth it, then the price has to be high to keep you from doing it anyway. Doesn’t it?”

Will swallowed and watched Alec warily.

“I consider this part of our agreement that you allow them to take care of you properly,” Alec nodded toward the necklace Will wore, then looked him in the eye. “If you alter your records while you are receiving care here, we’re done and I’m gone. Understand?”

Will stared. “Please don’t do that,” he whispered.

“Then don’t be a dumbass Will,” said Alec gently. “I’m not asking for more than that.”

“What if I think they’re doing something wrong?” he asked stubbornly.

“Then you talk to me and we figure out what to do. We get a second opinion, we go to your care coordinator, we do it right.”

“All right,” said Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Heterotropic bone and neuroma. Abnormal bone and nerve growth after amputation. CW: consider your level of comfort with medical details before you look them up. 1
> 
> Notes: Will has more injuries than I chose to enumerate. (He did survive a plane crash after all.) But I didn't want that to be the focus of the story.
> 
> While researching this story, I was reminded that what Will is going through is a reality for far too many veterans. I've tried to be as respectful as possible (I have veterans in my family) but if I have missed the mark in any way, please let me know and I will correct.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next few days, a routine began to form. Most of the care and therapy Will received happened in the morning and early afternoon. He remained easily fatigued and often napped after all that was done. He had exercises he was supposed to do every hour or two and, mindful of his promise to Alec, he did them more often than not.

Alec usually arrived mid-afternoon and Will was grateful to have him there. Afternoons and evenings might otherwise have stretched on endlessly. Alec had downloaded the new season of Battlestar Galactica and several movies he knew Will had missed. They watched old favorites, played endless video games, and competed to find the most ridiculous targets to hack.

Once Will moved to the rehab wing, Alec started talking about plans for where they’d live when the time came for Will to be released. (Will, having no need for a permanent address, had simply put his belongings in storage when he enlisted.) He pulled up MapQuest and Will gave him a list of potential neighborhoods and requirements. They recognized that finding a flat that was already accessible might be too much of a challenge so they worked out, with the help of an occupational therapist, what Will could live with while finding something better versus what they might convince a landlord to adjust.

“And of course,” said Alec. “You’ll want to have the kittens settled before I head back to the states.”

“Kittens?” asked Will.

“Kittens,” said Alec, pulling up a photo on his laptop. “I visited this morning. They’re four weeks old now so they should be ready to adopt about the time you get out of here.” The photo was of Alec playing with a litter of six kittens. All of them pale white, orange, and/or grey balls of fluff. A tiny dilute tortie had climbed onto his shoulder and appeared to be yelling at the camera.

“Had we discussed kittens?” asked Will.

“They’re going to be your birthday present, or two of them anyway. But I couldn’t resist spoiling the surprise.”

“Pets are never good surprises,” Will pointed out.

“That’s why I’m spoiling the surprise,” said Alec in his _I’m being reasonable_ voice.

“Do I get a say in this?”

“Only if you want more than two. We’d need to let the fosterer know.”

“Two is fine,” said Will.

Alec grinned.

**Late August 2005**

As Alec walked down the hall toward Will’s room, he was surprised to see a nurse’s aide exiting. He was, by this time, familiar with the schedule for most of the care Will received and this was out of the ordinary.

Will was lying on the bed with his back to the door when Alec opened the door. Alec knocked on the door as he entered and Will turned to look at him.

“Best if you don’t come in,” he said. His voice had a brittle edge. “Just take the afternoon off and try again tomorrow.”

“Oh really,” said Alec neutrally.

“Really,” said Will and turned away again.

“Why is that?”

“Need some time alone,” lied Will.

“That’s understandable,” said Alec carefully. “Do you mind if I sit down for five minutes first?”

“Can’t stop you,” said Will.

“You can,” said Alec. “Just tell me to leave right now.”

“Can’t do that,” said Will quietly.

“You just tried to half a minute ago,” said Alec. He circled the bed and sat down in the guest chair. “What’s wrong Will?”

“I’ve yelled at most everyone today. If you stay, I’ll probably yell at you too and I’d rather not.” He adjusted his position so his good ear wasn’t pressed into the pillow, coincidentally allowing him to avoid looking at Alec.

“OK,” said Alec. “Lay it on me.”

“What?” Will turned back and looked at Alec in surprise.

“Lay it on me. There’s probably something you ought to be yelling at me about. Get it out of your system,” said Alec. “I write horrific spaghetti code? Picked the wrong movie last night? I know,” he smiled and waved a finger at Will. “I talk funny and have a stupid face.”

That got a fleeting ghost of a smile from Will. “The movie last night was fine,” he said.

“But my code?” asked Alec, suppressing a smile.

Will pursed his lips for a second. “To call it spaghetti would be a lethal insult to spaghetti. It is Darwin’s ‘tangled bank’; a veritable Gordian knot of barely comprehensible drivel.” His smile was faint but there.

“Veritable Gordian knot,” said Alec nodding. “I like that. I may even steal it. And my face?”

Will’s smile softened. “I love your stupid face,” he said.

“Tell me what happened today?” asked Alec.

Will sighed. “In my physio-therapy session, I was already off balance when something triggered a flashback and I fell. Everyone was staring. My therapist talked me through it, asked me if I wanted to talk about it. And I snapped.

“Because it doesn’t matter if I _want_ to talk about it. I _can’t_ talk about it. I wish I could when someone’s willing to listen, but it’s all bloody classified. So instead I did a lot of swearing and he ended my session early and everything hurts again after falling and I hate this,” he ended in a rush, squeezing his eyes shut and hiding his face in his pillow.

“I’m sorry,” said Alec. “All of that sucks.” He touched Will’s hand and Will seized him, gripping tightly. They were quiet for a long moment.

“I don’t fit here,” said Will eventually, letting go of Alec’s hand and adjusting the bed so that he was sitting up.

Alec tilted his head to indicate he was listening but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t look, or sound, like anyone’s idea of a soldier. I was in intelligence, not an official combat role, though I saw enough of that. I can’t talk about what I did or how I was wounded because it’s all classified. I have a _boyfriend_ not my mum or a wife and kids visiting me…”

“And he’s black?” asked Alec.

Will nodded and shrugged, “And he’s _American_.” He sighed. “And—I know you know this—I got insanely lucky. I don’t have a brain injury. I didn’t lose my sight.” He waved at his left ear, “My hearing is coming back. I only lost one limb and it’s my leg and below the knee. Compared to injuries I’ve seen, I’m barely _inconvenienced_. On the flight to London, there were two others, their vehicle ran over an IED. Both of them were in much worse shape than me, but I was the pathetic git who couldn’t hold it together when the plane took off.”

“Bet your counselor has things to say about comparing yourself to anyone else here.”

“She does. And yet it’s hard not to. Particularly on the bad days. What right do I have to call this bad?”

“Do you still want me to leave?” asked Alec.

Will shook his head. “Of course not. It’s just—I can never repay this. You’ve disrupted your life for me in a thousand ways. I’m afraid you’ll resent that. Right now, I need you like I need air and it terrifies me that that might drive you away. I know I’m needy and desperate and clingy and I hate it.”

“I’m not going anywhere Will. I’ve got you.” Alec offered Will his hand again and Will tugged him closer. Alec climbed onto the bed and put an arm around him.

Will sagged into Alec’s embrace and let himself be held. Alec rubbed Will’s back and wished he knew what to say.

After a few minutes, the nurse’s aide that Alec had seen leaving the room earlier knocked and entered. She smiled at both of them and greeted Alec. “Good to see you this afternoon,” she said. She made a note on Will’s chart and excused herself again.

“Ah,” said Alec. “It _was_ a bad day.”

“They’re still checking on me every fifteen minutes,” said Will. “It got old hours ago.”

“That sucks,” said Alec. “Anything you need to tell me about?”

“I’m sure you can guess the worst of it. Nothing we haven’t talked about before,” said Will. “Oh. Discovered my physio-therapist speaks Russian.”

“And here you thought you were having a nice private rant?”

Will snorted, “Something like that.”

Alec gave him a thoughtful look. “Do I need to get you out of here for a while?”

“Probably, but in case you’re thinking of doing something rash? Not today. I’m too sore for crutches and I’m not up to dealing with the wheelchair in public just now.”

“Something to distract you then?” asked Alec with a mischievous smile.

“Did I mention everything hurts?” said Will.

“You did,” said Alec. “And while I like the way you think, that isn’t what I had in mind. How _is_ your Russian?”

Will frowned at the change of subject, “Clearly David understood me. But other than my outburst earlier I haven’t used it much lately. For _some_ reason, you don’t run into many Russians in Afghanistan these days. At least not where I was. Learned some Pashto. Why?”

“I promised to think of something to keep you occupied. Want to help me bankrupt a couple oligarchs?”

“Probably. Tell me more.”

Alec gave Will the details of his proposal and they worked out what Will could do between therapy sessions and without exhausting himself. Once they had a plan, Alec asked, “Should I get you out of here tomorrow? Picnic lunch by the observatory if the weather’s nice?”

“I’d like that, yes,” said Will. “If the staff is willing to let me out of their sight.”

“Leave it to me,” said Alec.

Alec arrived early the next day so they could get to the park in time for lunch. “Picnic time?” he asked when he arrived.

“Please,” said Will. “I hadn’t quite realized how much I needed to get out of here until I started anticipating getting out of here.” He reached for his crutches.

“I’m going to suggest using the wheelchair to the entrance,” said Alec, “So you can save your energy for walking at the park. You said you weren’t up for the chair in public so I didn’t bring a vehicle that would fit it.”

“There’s logic to that,” said Will. “I’ll even let you push if you promise no zigzagging.”

“I’ll behave,” said Alec.

“That would be a first,” said Will as he transferred to the chair.

At the entrance, they got a cheery wave from the receptionist as they left the chair next to the door and Will switched to his crutches. It was a lovely late summer day, partly cloudy and comfortably warm. Will noticed that Alec was looking very pleased with himself about something during the short walk to the visitor’s parking lot and he was getting suspicious. They stopped next to a dark green sports car.

“Alec?” said Will. “Is this the Maserati we stole?”

“I’m pretty sure it is, but it isn’t as if we checked the VIN that night,” said Alec. “It’s mine now. Or—well—Luke’s.”

“Where did you… How?”

“It was up for auction. The owner needed to raise money after some—legal difficulties—and I couldn’t resist.”

“Did you _cause_ said legal difficulties?”

Alec pointed to himself in a _who me?_ gesture and grinned. “Nah, he did that all on his own.” He opened the passenger door for Will. It took them a minute to place Will’s crutches out of the way then Alec climbed into the driver’s seat and they headed for Greenwich Observatory.

“Find a table or sit on a blanket in the grass?” asked Alec as he parked the car.

“Grass would be nice, but you’ll probably have to help me get back up. That isn’t a maneuver I’ve mastered yet,” said Will.

“I’ve got you,” said Alec.

Alec had a blanket and an honest-to-god picnic basket. The grass slowed Will down a bit, he didn’t have a lot of practice yet with his crutches on uneven surfaces. Alec tried his best not to hover; he knew it only made Will self-conscious.

Once they’d eaten, Will lay in the sun with his head in Alec’s lap while Alec played with his hair. “This is good,” he said, “I like this.”

“Now that you’re a bit more mobile, we can do this as often as you want,” said Alec. “You can take a look at the flats I find that might work. And I was thinking for your birthday we should visit that litter of kittens and you can pick the ones you want.”

“We can. But today I don’t want to think about things I have to do. Just want to enjoy being with you.”

Alec nodded. “Got it. Are you going to want to nap? And is this a comfortable place to do it?”

“I probably will and it probably won’t,” said Will. “But first we should wander a bit. I don’t want to think about going back yet.”

“We don’t have to go back for you to nap. We can do our usual pass through the museum, then let me take you back to my hotel. You can rest there and then we can figure out what to do with our time until dinner. Which can be room service if you’d like.” His hand in Will’s hair became fingertips caressing Will’s cheek and neck.

“I like that plan,” Will purred and smiled up at Alec. “Have I mentioned you have the best plans?”

“No,” said Alec. “You usually critique my plans ruthlessly.” He grinned. “I’m glad you approve of this one. Must mean it’s a really good plan.”

“It is,” said Will, “A really good plan.”

“I’ll drop you at the entrance so you don’t have to walk so far, then park and meet you inside,” said Alec as they returned to the hospital later that night.

“Thanks,” said Will.

When Alec returned, Will was seated in his wheelchair again. “Give me a ride back to my room? I won’t even complain if you zigzag.”

“You look too tired to put up with any more of my nonsense,” said Alec. “I’ll behave again.”

“Twice in one day?” teased Will. “Who would have thought?”

“Not you apparently.”

As they neared Will’s room, Alec stopped to greet the nurse on duty, she smiled at them and then addressed Alec. “No alcohol?”

“None.”

“Exercises?”

“Just like I promised,” said Alec.

“I’m right here,” said Will, rolling his eyes. “Yes, he made me do my PT three times while we were out.”

“You managed to get some _other_ exercise too,” said Alec with a smug grin.

Will blushed. “Was dit nodig*?” he asked in mild exasperation.

Alec blinked innocently.

“Excellent cardiovascular activity,” said the nurse approvingly. “Have a good night lieutenant.”

“Good night,” said Will, then tilted his head back to look up at Alec as they continued down the hallway. “Was that _really_ necessary?”

Alec grinned down. “Geen idee wat jy sê nie*.”

Will snorted. “Jy lieg*,” he said fondly. “Steer me over by the loo, will you? I’m going to get ready for bed so I don’t have to get up again later.”

* _Afrikaans_ :  
Was that necessary?  
No idea what you’re talking about.  
You’re lying.

“You got it.”

When Will emerged from the bathroom, Alec had settled on one side of the bed with his laptop case beside him.

“Have I mentioned I enjoy finding you in my bed?” Will asked.

Alec grinned. “Once or twice.” He reached into his bag. “I bought you something, should have thought of it sooner.” He pulled out a sketchbook and a small bag with the logo of a nearby art supply shop on it.

Will nearly snatched the bag out of Alec’s hand and looked inside. “Oh, good choices,” he said as he pulled out ink pens and a set of charcoal pencils. “And my therapist will like it too.”

Alec grinned. “That had occurred to me.”

“No gold markers?”

“Left that at the hotel for the next time you visit.”

“Perfect.” Will leaned sideways and bumped shoulders with Alec. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m past ready to get out of here.”

“Soon,” said Alec. “You’ve been doing really well.”

“Didn’t feel like it yesterday.”

“Bad days happen,” said Alec. “With time and some effort and maybe kittens, hopefully they’ll happen less often.”

“I am looking forward to meeting the kittens. But I should sleep soon.” He lowered his voice, “You rather tired me out.”

Alec kissed him and lowered his voice to match Will’s, “So we’ll have to do that again? Regularly, to get your stamina back up? You were pretty out of breath there for a bit.”

Will snorted. “If we try to do that until you no longer leave me breathless, we’ll…”

“…be doing that for the rest of our lives?” grinned Alec. He got up and put his laptop bag over his shoulder.

Will smiled back, “Something like that. Good night.”

“Good night,” said Alec and he kissed Will once more. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow.”

**A few days later**

“Do you know what day it is?” asked Alec after he’d greeted Will with an enthusiastic kiss.

“Besides the day before my birthday?”

Alec nodded.

“What? Did something memorable happen on this day?” asked Will as he smiled fondly at Alec.

“Today is nine years since the first time I kissed you.”

“Excuse me?” said Will. “ _I_ kissed _you_. Because you weren’t getting the hint. You _stole a car_ so you would have an excuse to hold my hand, took me dancing, and then you got shy.”

Alec grinned. “Our _first_ kiss, you kissed me. Our _second_ kiss, I kissed you. Nine years ago today.”

“And eight years ago, we opened Callahan’s,” said Will.

“It’s felt weird, being in London with you and not going.”

“It has. Hopefully I can make it in a few weeks once I have a prosthesis fitted. Though dancing might be out of the question for a while yet.”

Alec hummed his agreement and kissed Will again.

“I had a visitor this morning,” said Will after they’d finished their usual prolonged greeting.

“You don’t look happy about that,” observed Alec.

“I’ve been offered a job when I’m—heh—on my feet again.”

“Isn’t that good?”

“With the people I hoped to work with someday.”

Alec raised an eyebrow and held up six fingers.

Will nodded.

“And the problem is?”

“This is why I told you to check your security. They’ll investigate you. Hell, they probably already have done. I don’t want you to end up in prison or worse because we know each other.”

“But you want the job,” said Alec.

“It would be so perfect for me. I can’t even tell you how perfect it would be.”

“And you’ll be running the place in what, five years? Ten at the outside?” said Alec fondly.

“Of course,” Will grinned. “And have them pwned long before that.”

“I don’t mind a bit of risk you know,” said Alec.

“Alec. I can’t _put_ you in danger. I won’t.”

“Will. I’ve been playing chicken with the FBI, Interpol, and Russian mobsters for years. And you’d more than likely be in a position to warn me if something were heading my way. I’d probably be more of a liability to you than you are to me.”

“But you see it, don’t you?” asked Will, “This is the part I didn’t think through. What we are changes if I do this. I don’t want to endanger you…”

“Will. Slow down. You have weeks, maybe months before you’re fully ‘back on your feet’—man— did they _really_ say that to you? That’s a vote for telling them to fuck _right off_.”

Will nodded, rolling his eyes. “To his credit, the man realized how horrid it sounded _immediately._ ”

“Point is, you’ve got some time. I’ll support you. Whatever decision you make. We can talk this through, and then,” Alec gave Will a sly grin, “You can decide whether you really want to be their tame hacker.”

Will’s eyes widened and he stared at Alec. “Did you just—fuck Alec— _tame hacker?_ You really just said that. To me.”

“I did,” said Alec. “Don’t have any illusions about this Will. You’re going to have to get used to the idea.”

Will paused in thought for a long moment, then met Alec’s eyes. “We have, at most, five months to figure out how I do this properly.”

Alec smiled in return. “I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for teasing kittens and then not delivering. I may write up a scene at some point, but this was already later than I'd intended.
> 
> When Will refers to his own injuries as 'inconvenience' I'm referencing an article from 2006 that I found in the course of my research. There's some moderately detailed descriptions of injuries so may not be for everyone. https://www.sfgate.com/news/article/War-without-end-Damaged-soldiers-start-their-2520913.php

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of notes on this one. 
> 
> Title is from _Last Post_ , the British equivalent to _Taps_ , and played at military funerals. The line in full is: _All good soldiers know very well there is nothing to fear while they do what is right_.
> 
> There are a couple of changes to the timeline of previous installments I had to make. So I'll be making minor edits to a couple fics. The most likely to be noticed is Moneypenny says in 'Aftermath' that Will wasn't transported to London until 'nearly a fortnight' after his injury. That doesn't quite fit with my research, it would most likely have been just a few days. 
> 
> I'll also be making edits to usage of the words prosthetic and prosthesis. I've learned that prosthetic, which I used as a noun in some prior fics, is correctly used only as an adjective e.g. prosthetic limb.
> 
> If you read all of these back-to-back you may notice that Will described a couple things that aren't quite how they happened in this fic. Instead of changing them, I'm going with a 'Watsonian' rather than 'Doyleist' explanation and say this was a traumatic time for Will and his memory is not completely reliable.


End file.
